btw.

im tired of being played with . you put yourself out there..and you try and trust again. and you let go of everything for someone. and they dont even have the balls to tell you they are back with their ex now.
"i really like you"
you said .
"i cant wait to kiss you"
you said .
"i cant wait to hold you"
you said.
you said a lot. and you were really convincing.knowing i told you how much it takes for me to let go and trust someone. i did. for you.


thanks.

you didnt owe me anything...i didnt ask for anything.
but i did deserve to be treated good and for you to be a decent fuckin human being.

its sunday morning.
angela woke me up early.
we cleaned the upstairs of our house.
my room is so clean WTF haha.

so is her room. thats also unusual.
and our bathroom. WEE. smells good haha.

this weekend hasnt been very exciting.
went to the mall with lisa( mylil sister) and her boyfriend Damion bought some sunglasses ..and other fun stuff. then went to walmart and bought the SIMS 2. haha.
i get in kicks where i really really wanna play the game so. ahha.
and i also bought.
Halloween(rob zombie edition)
Full Metal Jacket
Grandmas Boy
21
Simpsons


spent some money haha.

then yesterday Angela and i went out to lunch then to Uncle Sams. I swear unleash us in that store*its a military surplus store* and we go wild.
i got another marine corp. shirt to add to my lovely collection and a keychain and vol 3 of our running cadences. she goes Semper Fit. a keychain..a shirt.
i couldve spent sooooo much money hahah.

yea im obsessed with the marines.


anyway. today im just spendin the day at home. dont have money for gas. money to waste like i have been so. its all good. i think well just sit around order pizza..and watch awesome movies. how bout that!

wanna come?
hahah.


yea see..not much to talk about.

today was alright.
had jury duty.
i didnt get picked but thats ok.
it was a first degree man slaughter case.
i kind of wanted to be on it.
but oh well.
no big deal.


i got some letters to write. and what sucks is i have so many that i forgot which ones are writin me first so i am just writing to you if i have your addy ahaha. i think stephanie and one other are the only ones im writing to . SO haha.


oh and my katie bug. ARG! ahha


so im still not feeling 100% better but if im up and moving im not really thinkin about it.



i have work tomorrow morning at 730am. i get off at like 415 which is awesome.
then back to goin in at 11. im excited. i love that. sleeping in. its good times haha.

just thought id post a short update. im goin to go write them lovely letters. <333333

so i finally after stayin home from work 2 days..went to Urgent Care where...the made me take a pee test...give blood..and all this shit ALL WHILE making me wear one of them silly gowns that only ties at the neck and doesnt close in the back so my ass was like HI THERE I AM! haha.

nothing really specific came back.
so she told me just to take some pain pills and drink plenty of fluid. oh and i had a fever. WOO haha.


i guess when i go see a REAL doctor haha on tuesday hell run more tests on me.

and i left my pain pills at my mommas. SON OF A!


gosh im sleepy.

night! haha.

i didnt go to work today.
i went to bed last night around 1130. didnt feel too good.
woke up around 2, sick as hell. from there i got fed up...haha..and
drug myself from the bathroom put on clothes and walked as quickly and drove over to my parents house. i walked in and of course my dad opens his bedroom door and is like WHAT WHAT WHAT IS WRONG haha. bc i dont just show up at 4 in the morning. mom gave me medicine..i laid on the couch tossing and turning until 7am. parents left for work and i had called in to work around 5 in the morning and i slept til about 9. woo. im so tired and i still dont feel too good.

hmm..

i figure ill go home later tonight . probably after a nap. which im about to take. hmm. ooo or a bath sounds nice.


i looked up jobs yesterday at St. Louis Childrens Hospital. as like..a patient care tech. its the night shift though which is probably 7pm til 7am. i emailed them to ask about schooling and if they offer any asisstance. they also had a job available working with the NICU which i would love its a secretary job which is really probably a great thing. the job requirements kind of made me laugh but oh well. it was like highschool diploma or GED. must be able to sit for 75% of shift. im like i get to sit on my ass all day?!?!?! HOT FUCKIN DAMN hahaha. no really im not that lazy. cmon i work with kids. ahha. i chase them all day long.


anyway. i gotta go call my mom. and then ima lay down.


<3 love

yay for next week.
full of doctor appointments hha.
ohh and monday.
JURY DUTY! 
hot dawg.
bah.

so i slept like 12 hours last night and i feel horrible.
this whole medication makin me feel sick shit better get done with real fast.
to be on the safe side i did take a pregnancy test.
it said not pregnant.
i bought a pack of 3.  so ill take another tmorrow just to be on the safer side.
and i have an appointment with my lady doctor next wednesday so yea.

i just feel sick like all day everyday .
so .
ugh.


anyway.
work was ok. really it was kind of boring.
i kept spacing out. and i think when you work in daycare and such you should avoid that but i really just...
couldnt help it.
a lot on my mind.
ima go take a shower. ill write more late.r

well well well.
im finally back into the live journal thing.

somewhere to vent where your roommate wont read your journal haha. no really.


she doesnt know i have one. nor do i think she even remembers this site. so i think im safe hah.


its sunday and im absolutely bored. listenin to my roommate talk to her dad. its like hes on a megaphone. holy hell.

lately ive been feeling a bit down on myself.
i feel bad bc i recently started dating someone then found out like a week into that i just wasnt all about it anymore. that quick i realized i wasnt suppose to be with him and he really liked me and i feel bad bc i hurt him but ...i guess thats the way things work.  it wouldnt of been fair to keep it goin so.

i HAVE to remind myself to make a doctor appointment tomorrow with my endocrinologist. ugh. more so find time.

work is ok. screaming children. picking kids up from school and the schools gettin mad because i cant be in two places at once. SO.

my roommate angela just came upstairs and poked me in the eye with a pen. grrrrl i almost punched her. ahah.

im on a quest to  better myself.
feel good about myself
drop some pounds. quit smoking. save some cash. find love haha.
so far quiting smoking is the only thing thats REALLY buggin me. Its hard. i got a headache . i want one. and i know there are some cigarettes like....5 feet from me. argg. no!

anyway.

ima go for now. clean my room. ill update some stuff later. post some pics or something.